I love that when I get home from work the kids are excited to spend time with me. I just hate this battle of "there is so much to do" and "I want time with the kids." I try really hard to balance it, and some days I just give up on it. Yesterday i got home and I wanted to spend time with them, but I also wanted to get a little exercise and be outside. Knowing that there was just a little daylight left I just put the boys in the wagon and that was that... I took them on a wagon ride down the street. I got them home and fed, put them in the bath (Benjamin is into throwing water outside the tub) which I got mad about and he wouldn't stop drinking the bath water (which I wouldn't mind really, but he chokes every time he drinks it and he and caleb pee in the water.) Anyway... I finally got them in jammies and we cuddled in the rocking chair.. I tried to read books which didn't work because Caleb is into hitting the book and trying to pull the pages, Benjamin gets mad becuase he can't see the pictures and it was just a disaster. I just put the book down and we just cuddled and talked. Benjamin is having a really hard time listening to mommy these days and he wouldn't stop throwing his pacifier on the floor so I just put them both in their cribs. I want night time to be a nice time.. Get baths, get jammies on, read books, cuddle all in peaceful quiet. I feel like other families have this all down and their kids cooperate, but the reality of the situation is that I don't! My kids are crazy at night, Benjamin cries every time I put him in his crib. He is starting to con me in ways he knows tug at my heart... "mom mom cuddle ben ben." "mom mom sing... rub ben ben back" after I have done this and start to walk away he will say in this whiny life ending voice "mom mom sing, mom mom sing" he knows I can't stand having him just want me to sing to him. (I don't know what he thinks is appealing about it, I can't sing a note to save my life.) Anyway.. I just don't have it together. I want to, I really do. I am impatient, I am snappy, I am eager to put my kids in bed to have time to myself and to get things done. I need to constantly remind myself to pray for patience, that snapping doesn't do anything.. they are only two and 11 months and don't understand, and I need to realize that time is FLYING by and these times with my boys cuddling and asking me to sing are few and far between in the whole picture of life. I was doing really well with my patience when I was daily remembering to pray about it. I know part of my problem is my birth control and I am working on that as well.
Anyway... life isn't perfect at our little house.
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