Hormones...

The title of this post is the only perfect word to use at this moment. I have never really understood fluctuations in hormones etc except during pregnancy. When I am not pregnant, I have never had to battle major mood swings or feeling like I have really bad PMS or anything like that, but during pregnancy I can just feel the hormone changes. Take today for instance... I woke up after getting a good night of sleep (which is not normal these days) and had great cuddle time with Caleb on the couch... I really thought it was going to be a good day. Then the whining started from the boys, then Caleb's fit throwing started, and then my hormones seemed to kick in and say " I can't take this today" I have tried really hard to make myself be calm and controlled today but I just feel out of control with my emotions. My level of patience is so small. I decided the boys needed to get out of the house so I told them that if they were very good at the store while we got their school supplies then we would go to the park. They did great at the store and behaved so well. I praised them over and over for how well they did. At the park they were the only children there, had the place to themselves and what do they do, hang around me whining that it was hot and they wanted to go home. I was snappy with them because I was annoyed that we were at the park and they were whining and complaining, so I said fine we will go home eat lunch and you can take naps. Not that I would change my life, but sometimes I wonder what a difference it would have made if our boys were not so close together. I feel like in a way I missed out and so did they by them being so close. Benjamin still needed me so much at 15 months when Caleb arrived and Caleb needed me even more as a newborn. If there had been more space I feel like I could have had that time with Benjamin and he would have been a bit more independent when the second arrived, allowing me to split my time better. Like I said you can't change the past and since Caleb was not planned but the product of malfunctioned birth control I am constantly finding myself praying for God's help in me, especially when I feel like my hormones are out of control. Well now that naps are almost over I am hoping my break in the day with a little quiet will help me and the boys to finish out the day well. Some days a nap is all my boys need to turn everything around. I am striving for a good rest of the day "fit and whining free."