The Night Before Kindergarten

Tonight is the night before Benjamin begins kindergarten. I have never understood the moms who drop their kids off for a first day and cry about their kid going off to kindergarten... until tonight. I don't know what it is, but there is a deep sadness with the thought of him going to school. He has been in per-school since he was almost 3, so I didn't anticipate this being hard. I think it is different, because this is the first step as a mom of letting go and allowing your child to grow up. He is no longer a toddler, he is becoming a boy and it breaks my heart. I am excited about this new journey, but a mothers heart is always going to be a mothers heart. He will always be my first born child and with each milestone my heart will break a little more and then get used to the new normal. I just can't believe we are already here at the start of Kindergarten. How is this possible?  Just yesterday I was holding my baby in my arms and now he is five! I was talking with Benjamin tonight and he is a bit nervous about school. It's a new building, new teachers and not a single person he knows. I talked to him about how he is so good at making friends and about using manners. I told him that his teachers will make sure he knows where to go and soon he will know exactly what he is doing. I think part of the reason is is so hard too is because this is the first public school we will be involved with. I went to 4 years of public high school and Brad went to 1 year of it, and the rest of our experience is all private school. Today I watch on the news as a 19 year old went into a Georgia elementary school with a gun and thank God no one was shot. This has my nerves extra tight. Tomorrow after I leave Benjamin for his first day of kindergarten I plan to sit in the parking lot for a little bit and just pray. For safety, for friends, for kindness among the children. The thought of someone picking on Benjamin, or making fun of him or anything like that makes my claws come out. At the same time I have to teach him how to be kind, show love and to be the strong one.  So as this next step in our lives begins, I will embrace it and love every moment. I will pray a lot and document each step. I just never thought it would be so hard.