Woo Hoo I have not yelled in 10 full days! Amazing! I have never gone this long in the last like 4 years without yelling. I am 10 days without yelling. I feel so much freedom, and so much happier. Not only am I losing weight and being very diligent about that, I am just overall feeling great. I never knew how much negative I was allowing in my life. Part of my change, well probably the large majority of this change in me is because I asked God to change me. I tried often to change and after talking with someone I really respect, she told me there are sometimes things that even when you pray about them, you can't change. You have to sometimes just say "God I can't do this, I have tried, I have prayed, but now I am asking you to be the one to change this in me." WOW the freedom! It is seriously amazing. This is not saying this is not hard. There have been a few times, I can tell my voice is getting stern and starting to get louder. I have to just remind myself of my goal and that I CAN do this. I want my kids to know love and to always know that they can tell me things and I will listen, I may not be happy, but I will respond in love. I know that there are things I still will work towards, like how I word things. When I am mad, or when I am upset, irritated, whatever you want to call it, I aim to hurt with my words. I almost think this is worse than someone who flies off the handle screaming, or whatever. I started seeing myself do this with my kids. I wanted them to know I was mad/ hurt/etc. So my biggest next step is to learn loving responses even when I am upset. Ways to teach them a lesson without yelling, without hurtful words, etc. Its all a process and not going to happen at once. I am proud of the progress though.
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